JASON: “THE ORIGIN STORY”

If Jason was a Superhero* his evil nemesis would be the “Green Lantern”.

Sorry, I meant green onions, parsley 🌿, and cilantro. Clearly, at some point as a child,  he was left in the produce section and caught a bit of overspray by the (evil!) green grocer.  You know, when they spray the vegetables to keep them looking fresh. This somehow simultaneously made him hate the best and tastiest of vegetables, and also made him want to be a swimmer in later life.  This was clearly overcompensation.  Despite this trauma (and the trauma he would later visit on restaurants :)… Jason has now logged a half century of life and the world is a better place for it.

In summary, Jason is the best friend anyone could have**. Although, I’d have to add he is also a great co-conspirator. I’d elaborate, but that information is classified.

Specifically, it’s classified as “dumb things guys do that maybe they should think seriously about, and only do a couple more times at best”.

In closing, I’d like to point out that if you hear Jason speak while just slightly drunk, his speech patterns are indistinguishable from Elon Musk. I’m not saying he’s a mad genius*** or anything, but you are certainly free to do so.

**I mean… SURE, he hates music and I love it, but somehow we got past that, or didn’t even realize it until very recently.

*** He is.